What happened Today?I yelled at my college friends on call. For the first time offcourse. And disconnected the call. They never returned any call or message. I wanted them to call back so that I can explain. Nor did they messaged. Well… I’m definitely feeling bad. What are they thinking? If they laughed and said I’m again being bossy… Or I can’t chill… Or it’s just my habit to be over stress… Are they even thinking about me?… Am I this forget able?… I stayed calm throughout the day… Doing my stuff… But deep down I’m afraid… Day after tomorrow is exam… How they gonna behave?… I’m afraid of confronting them… What if they just leave me alone?… Or what if they behave like nothing happened at all..?? Probably they are going to behave like this… And I’ll again let it go… For peace… Everytime people makes me feel like they are not like others… Or they understand me… But at the end of day they clearly show me that they doesn’t gives a shit… And… It was all a show… They make me feel like I’m a burden to them… And the audacity for them to ask me why I like to be alone… I was also asking myself if I am at fault… And maybe at some part I am… But my anxiety is not my fault… Last time they got far better marks then me in practicals… I got less marks… Resulting me to get lower percentage… I’m stressed cause I don’t want it to happen again… They are asking me to be chill… Am I jealous??… I don’t know… It’s just… I’m not feeling good… And I should not focus on all this bullshit…. But when I’m doing all this why they can’t put some efforts… Am I that inferior to them???… Am I that bad???… Why they show it like they are already putting so much effort when they are just with me??… Am I that tiring???… They say I am… I forgot the word… But it’s something like… A friend who needs a lot of efforts and expenses… Am I a problem??… Is it me??… Is it seriously me???… (26 March, 2024, 10:04pm)